


Soar Above the Sky

by TheHessianHorseman



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Mental Breakdown, No Apocalypse, Originally Posted Elsewhere, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:15:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28509531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHessianHorseman/pseuds/TheHessianHorseman
Summary: Daryl’s enduring a mental breakdown and reflects on his relationship with Negan.
Relationships: Daryl Dixon/Negan
Comments: 5
Kudos: 5





	Soar Above the Sky

It’s Christmas Eve you know, of course you know, how could you not? We love to sit on the beach don’t we? Everyday we come here, hours on end; just watching the waves hit the sand or rolling onto the rocks. 

Come rain or shine you always sit with me, put up with my simple ways. You even walk with me at night, through the one place people don’t walk after dark. 

It’s so tranquil, even at three in the afternoon nobody else litters the sand, but who would? People need to do their festive shopping. 

I bend my legs, resting my arms on them as you sit looking at me; I know you are, you always do. Your eyes never falter as you constantly smile in my direction, your hair becomes a short fluffy mess, and still you smile. 

We met on this beach didn’t we? Still we talk about it, how your friends smiled as you stopped to speak to me, you told them you’d stay, to go on ahead without you. 

You were and are my first lover, you found me interesting and different, in return I gave you all of my heart, key included. 

You take me to places others would find childish but your fun loving personality let you get away with it. You make me so happy; never before have I laughed so much, been comfortable to be myself. 

One of my best days were when you asked me to move in with you, I said yes straight away, felt more grown up to move out of the shack I shared with Merle.

I knew that day you were the one. You weren’t ashamed of the scars I carried, the way my hair was unevenly cut or my somewhat shabby appearance. 

People said we would never last, chalk and cheese we were, our differences would separate us. 

We didn’t care; neither did we listen did we? Our love is too strong for it to be broken. 

I love the way you hold onto my hand, much like you are now. Your gentle squeezing let me know you are real, even though I questioned it many a time. 

You always seemed too good to be true, more of a guardian angel. 

I followed your lead, the winter weather tuning the sky darker the more we walked. Reaching the closed gates, you looked on laughing as I began to climb over the black painted metal, but still you followed. 

We’d wander for hours, following the pathways, talking and enjoying the cool nights. I’d worry that you weren’t wearing enough warm clothing that you’d get ill, but you never did. 

We never went home until it was late, sometimes early morning. I’d hang my coat up in the hallway as you made yourself comfortable on the sofa, always the left side of it, we always had sides. 

Even in the car I always drove, you said it was safer that way, so you could spend more time looking at me. 

I haven’t driven for a long time now have I? We ran out of gas years ago. 

We sat on the sofa looking at the Christmas tree; you loved how neat I dressed it up, the setting of which the lights shone. There are so many presents under the tree, I know you’ll like what I brought you, I was always good at knowing what you wanted. 

I’m sorry I’m not cooking the dinner tomorrow but you know there’s no point when we aren’t going to be home. 

Remember when you cooked the dinner a few years ago? How you put that black box in the cracker. 

Seems like just yesterday when I opened it, a small black band encased in the velvet. There were no diamonds, precious gem stones. Just a simple ring. You knew me too well. 

I’ll never forget your words of promise and forever lasting love, I still wear it now and still it makes you happy. 

I still haven’t brought you a ring, I will do but I know me showing you how much I adore you is enough. 

I place your coffee down on the table in front of you; your smile of thanks brightens the night. You never did like to drink your coffee hot, still it sits there, untouched, as you watch me finish mine off. 

It’s getting late and we need to sleep, we have an early start and a big day ahead. I loved going to bed, how you’d take the side nearest the door, said if anyone broke in you’d protect me. 

Loved how you’d watch me fall asleep before you even tried. 

Your cold fingers woke me the next morning, running over my face before lacing with my own. Cold hands warm heart that was always such a true saying. 

You always let me use the bathroom first, said I could make the drinks while you got ready. I didn’t mind you being cheeky, I’m just glad you love me. 

I sit waiting patiently, wanting to see the look of excitement on your face. With each passing gift you apologised more, said I shouldn’t have gotten you anything, love was all you needed. 

I placed your presents neatly next to your side of the sofa, leaving to get ready. 

I return but you’ve already gone. Would the small walk be too painful for you? 

It was strange walking through the town on my own, not having your hand wrapped around mine. You knew I would catch up with you quick, and I did.

I took a seat on the grass facing you, mirrored your stature. I watched as your clothes blew in the harsh wind, a bit of your hair getting in your eyes. 

For hours we sat, no one else walked by, I wondered to myself why that was. 

We have never spoken about this, and please tell me to stop, but do you remember what happened four years ago? How we walked through town on the summer night? People started to leave the clubs and bars, many too drunk to know any better. 

You put your fingers to my lips, silently telling me to not go on, I grant you that wish. 

Tears streaked your face; I knew it would be too much. 

I’m so sorry for bringing it up. 

The gates shut at two, but still we sat, each others company enough. We weren’t going to the beach today; I think we need a rest from the longer walk. I’d rather stay here, you agreed with me, still such a beautiful smile upon you faultless face. 

Night fell long ago, I didn’t want to leave but you insisted we should. You helped me to stand, wiped away any loose grass from my trousers. 

You always loved the late night walks on Christmas; you’d stop to look at all the lights, outdoor decorations. 

I’m sorry we didn’t have any, we just couldn’t afford it. 

It had been such a magical day, I can’t thank you enough. Everything was perfect, more so because I had you. 

It’s now the thirty first of December and a letter came today, from one of our friends. I read it more than twice, maybe the wake up call I needed. You didn’t read it, how foolish of me to think you would. 

“Hi Daryl, how are you coping? It’s been a long time since I saw you, if it’s okay in a few weeks I’ll drive down. I’m so sorry about your loss, even now after all this time, it hurt us all but more so you. Lori is expecting our second child in a few months, I’d like you to be the God Father, hopefully you’ll say yes. I’ll talk to you properly later Daryl, please take good care of yourself.” 

I walked past the table, masses of cups piled up on it still full with cold coffee. I opened the front door and looked out. I don’t care if it hurt you, it had to be said. 

Four years ago when we walked through town at night, two gangs of drunken teenagers fought in the road, we kept our distance but one broke free of the fight, knife in hand. He stabbed you as he walked by, never stopped as you fell you the ground. I’ll never forget the blood, so much. I called an ambulance and they tried to save you, but you died the next morning. 

I refused to believe it, wouldn’t let go of your hand, it was still warm, how could you be dead? 

I spoke to no one after that, only you or what I thought was you. 

To start with, people passed me in the street, sympathetic looks on their faces, still no one spoke. 

I kept to the beach and the cemetery, places where I’d see you. But did I? Or was it just my emotional break down that lead me to believe I saw you. 

You were taken from me at such a young age, too young. 

I’ve never looked at another person, male or female, and I don’t plan on doing so. 

I thought our love could never be broken, to some extent it isn’t. 

You were so handsome, no painter could ever capture your beauty, no writer would ever be able to find the words to describe you and no matter how hard I try, I’ll never stop our little meetings. 

I’m devastated, haven’t mourned for you properly, not even shed a single tear. 

Maybe now I should.

I replied to the letter, agreed to be a God Father. 

We went to visit you, seeing your name engraved on your head stone in a clearer mind caused me to break down. 

I cried more than I had in my life; you shouldn’t have been there, not yet. It became too much and I had to leave. 

Nights passed and still I haven’t seen you, were you ever there in the first place? 

Can you see now how strong my love for you were and is? For me to believe you were with me for four years should tell you. 

When I see your coat hanging on the peg, it reduces me to tears; often my shirt is damp from wiping my eyes. 

Still you don’t come to visit me. 

I can’t move on, perhaps I don’t want to but maybe I wasn’t so mad after all. 

I sometimes hear footsteps on the stairs, was it you? 

At night when I sit in the dark on my bed, the lamp turns on, is that you too? 

Did you have anything to do with the fridge door mysteriously opening all those times? 

Could be coincidence but I like to think it was you. 

I like to hope that one day I can look at your picture and just smile without the tears, but it’s too raw to do that now. 

I didn’t visit you yesterday, I couldn’t but I will now. 

Tears fill my eyes as I sit in front of you. Would you recognise me any more? My hair hasn’t been cut since you were here, my weight plummeted, disinterest and neglect on my behalf, my own soul died that morning too. 

You taught me many things, but my actions now were not one of them. 

My life now is how it was before you, friendless, jobless and unhappy. 

Merle died sometime ago too, I was surprised he left me anything in his will, considering he were anything but happy about us. 

Still, it sees me through each week. 

Still I don’t see you, will I ever again? 

I’ll go to the beach after I’ve stayed here for a while longer, feel free to join me, you know you can. But for now, I love you, I miss you and I hurt. You’ll never be forgotten or replaced. 

Oh, 

And how am I coping?

Badly. 

I kissed my fingers, placing them over his name. I turned to leave but something stopped me.

After all those years, possibly I wasn’t so crazy as I saw the slicked back hair, clothes blowing in the wind, the beautiful smile. 

I watched as you mouth an ‘I love you’ returning your smile, it was all I needed to know. 

I love you too Negan.

You knew where I was going, and the offer still open.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back in 2009 and I’ve edited it for here as it was posted elsewhere. One of my faves I thought I’d revamp and bring back to life. Thought it was a decent fit for this pairing. Thank you to anyone who took their time to read it.


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